Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
