i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
