KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
