just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
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