I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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