omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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