Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
