it was like his penis was on wheels.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
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If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
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I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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