just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
