super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
