May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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