i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
