in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
