Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Randomize
