I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
