Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Randomize
