This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
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