I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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