I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
