Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
