I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
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