they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
