I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Randomize
