Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I just found puke in my bra..
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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