I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
The power of my boobs compel you
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