Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
