o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
We're too hungover to prance.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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