I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
