Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
3pm strippers are depressing
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Randomize
