I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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