Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
