just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
