all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
