as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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