If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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