I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
