Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I would fuck him just for his dog
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
