She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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