Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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