Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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