Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
