I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
