i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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