The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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