I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
