I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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