it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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