Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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