he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
