someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
