Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
organizing the empties. That sober.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
that is very illegal...i love you.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
