did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
