someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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