her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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