the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
i've created a new STD.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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