we have officially lost it.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
