does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
