Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
