Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
