the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
