You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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