I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
