The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
he fucked my hip out of place.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
