We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
