Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
vagina is talking i cant
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
