Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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