I showed him my bush... on skype.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
