All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
