you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
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Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
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Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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