Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
