I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
