come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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