and she was petting her beer can
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Even my vagina gasped.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
