8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
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I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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