i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
